So, right, I'm finally using this thing, but I doubt I'll ever use this journal, so I'm going to treat this as a permanent statement. I'm going to talk about my "art," actually. When I was younger, I was an eidetiker, which more or less means I had a photographic memory. (It's not really what most people think it is, but I don't really care to talk about it so much.) Anyway, the eidetic imagery really was a huge aide when it came to drawing. It was really a lot more like cheating. I could look at a picture, then start drawing, and the picture I'd looked at would be hovering over the paper. Like tracing. As such, I got a lot of practice with a lot of good references. I used to be really good.

At fifteen, I developed schizophrenia. And "developed" isn't really a good word. It was more like an explosion, really. I had to re-learn to deal with life. Re-learn how to live. And I certainly couldn't draw anymore. Not only because I wasn't able to do the eidetic imagery anymore, but because I was physically and mentally unstable. I was having enough trouble functioning at all. I was angry and angsty and hated my life. I burnt all my sketchbooks and basically everything I'd ever done. (Eventually, I was banned to play with fire, among other things.) So, everything I did pre-crazy is gone.

Now, though my illness is still getting worse, I'm a lot more stable, thanks to my amazing family (none of whom are actually related to me). Drawing is something akin to a chore, now. I'm still learning how to do it again and I hate everything that gets done because I compare it to what I've lost. Most of what I draw is Harry Potter fanart (of the slash variety, because duh, gay) because at least in doing that, I can get attention and feedback. (Even though I may enjoy negative attention more in general, that's probably not the case when it comes to art. Though, I get a lot more pissy when I'm ignored, and tend to appreciate criticism.) Occasionally I'll do something else, but that's what you should expect. I'm hoping that maybe I'll improve with practice, despite my hatred for drawing at all.

So, that's what I had to say. Have fun browsing or whatever.